When I started this blog, I was in the middle of emotional doldrums. It was due to boredom, feeling restricted and a perceived silence. Much of my busy, social noise was gone and I felt uncertain of myself and the future. During my 18 day prison and 6 month investigation, I just wanted the whole thing to end so I'd be safe. Kind of like wanting a horror movie to end (because it was too frightening or just plane bad). But in life the movie does not end. Fears, uncertainty, risk, danger, disease and death haunt even atheists. When I was found not guilty, some of the horror followed me because I am always a part of the problem; not just the extraordinary circumstance. Even if it affected my health, I had to deal first with myself.
The future is uncertain because it has not been built. It's easy to hide behind temporary fixes of our routines, schedules and constant electronic contact thinking they give security. But they do not remove risk. Just like being certain the Sun rises, cannot guarantee we will not die today. Gruesome thinking or just life?
Uncertainty is normal but not new.
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